To lose along the way
The spark that set the flame
To flicker and to fade
On this the longest day
-- U2, Indian Summer Sky





And you know it's time to go
Through the sleet and driving snow
Across the fields of mourning
Lights in the distance

And you hunger for the time
Time to heal - desire time
And your earth moves beneath your own dream landscape
-- U2, A Sort of Homecoming

Dream Dance

Thanks Jeanne for this one. Totally made me laugh. A Phallic NASA dance, check out the video....

Big Sister is Watching You!

Thanks, Jonathan, for the webcam link!

No need to move off my chair anymore, why bother? What is there our there that I can't do as easier and not as shivery right here?

• View over English Bay from Burrard
  
• Lions Gate Bridge
• Port of Vancouver
• West End
• Sunset Beach, English Bay
• Ferry dock at Horseshoe Bay
• Dundarave Beach, West Van
• Jericho Beach
• Convention Centre/North Shore Mountains
• and look what I found, the view from Scott Owen's place :-)
  

I pound my fists at the unmoving pillars of my past. They hold me up and push me down.
Water slowly snakes its way down the marble fissures. I stick my tongue out at the pillar; testing the truth and the lies, testing the stoney taste of the running water.

Fe/Male

From the Globe & Mail:

"When scientists pooled dozens of studies of sex differences last year, they found that while we're quite different on the playground and somewhat different in the bedroom, we're surprisingly similar in the classroom and the boardroom", writes Paye Flam in The Philedelphia Inquirer. "Those results showed men, on average, can throw a baseball farther, are more open to one-night stands, and maturbate more often", says University of Wisconsin psychologist Janet Hyde, who led the project. She says the notion that women are more emotional and men more logical and mathematical is mostly stereotype.

I knew my rash statement about male qualities which I have regretted for days would come back to haunt me :-)

Lost

I lost my way, I forgot to call on your name. The raw heart beat against the world, and the tears were for my lost victory. But you are here. You have always been here. The world is all forgetting, and the heart is a rage of directions, but your name unifies the heart, and the world is lifted into its place. Blessed is the one who waits in the traveller's heart for his turning.
-- Leonard Cohen

Thinking of you, my friend Tierney, on this day.

Living Water

Today I learned:

• that boiled water does not transmute into tea without human intervention
• that friendship is worth it
• that the wet stuff falling from the sky miraculously finds its way around an umbrella
• that a powercable, if plugged in, charges one's laptop so much faster
• that my kids are absolutely the best in the world but I knew that already
• that fear always runs faster than you. I'd better turn and look at it
• that candy doesn't taste half as good in your mouth as in your mind

I hold you in cupped hands
And shield you from a storm
Where only some dumb idiot
Would let you go
-- Keane, "Sunshine"

Under There!

The Richmond Fire Department has a new under-dress code. The department has been under fire for treating women unfairly; seems an atmosphere of harassment and discrimination has been present for a long time.

The Richmond firefighters get changed in a common area:

So, because their undergarments are then exposed, we felt that it was appropriate to establish a minimum standard for those undergarments

says city spokeman Ted Townsend. So - if we are all made to look the same, there will be less discrimination? Rather than celebrate diversity we aim for uniformity.

I remember reading a biography of a Chinese girl who grew up during Cultural Revolution and experiences contact with Westerns. She describes how embarassed she was because she didn't know what to do with her hair, her clothes, having always worn the uniform and the standard braids. And reading in "Red Azelea" by Anchee Min about the repression of romance and love.

The uniform of the Cultural Revolution - was it not also meant to visibly remove any distinction of class, gender or upbringing?

Do we achieve equality through convergence, by covering visible markers? Have women really achieved equality in the work place if the only way to climb the ladder is by integrating male behaviour patterns? I remember research, I think in the Harvard Business Report, about desired qualities for management candidates. Remarkably male, the authors said for many of the qualities.

"Being male", said Sandra, "one of the criteria for a Liberal leadership hopeful. How about the wish to serve?"

We are all different, each one of us. Celebrating the differences, accepting them and embracing them, is what makes us grow closer. Not through the forced removal of unwanted features to enforce a fearful truce.

There is unrest in the forest
There is trouble with the trees
For the maples want more sunlight
And the oaks ignore their pleas

The trouble with the maples
(And they're quite convinced they're right)
They say the oaks are just too lofty
And they grab up all the light
But the oaks can't help their feelings
If they like the way they're made
And they wonder why the maples
Can't be happy in their shade

There is trouble in the forest
And the creatures all have fled
As the maples scream 'Oppression!'
And the oaks just shake their heads

So the maples formed a union
And demanded equal rights
'The oaks are just too greedy
We will make them give us light'
Now there's no more oak oppression
For they passed a noble law
And the trees are all kept equal

By hatchet, axe and saw
-- Rush, "The Trees"

I think I need to volunteer with the Fire Department and thoroughly investigate and observe. Especially Under There.

On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
If I pack the car and leave this town
You'll notice that I'm not around
I could hide out under there
I just made you say "underwear"
I could leave but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway

Like a dream you try to remember
But it's gone
Then you try to scream
But it only comes out as a yawn
When you try to see the world
Beyond your front door
Take your time is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you realize that a guy my size might take a while
Just to try to figure out what all this is for

Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me
Try to see the world beyond your front door
Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for

-- Barenakedladies, "Pinch Me"

Jobs of a Kind

Driving can be very eventful. Here are the events of my expedition to the North Shore :-) :

• Hunger pains early in the trip. Dipped into supplies
• Megalo-maniac-monster-truck roaring at me for making a left turn
  
• Attack of the orange road pylons
• Explosion of back tire of hurried party ahead of us - swerving to avoid rubber rain
• Passed Pet Wash Home Service Van - "we'll wash'um while you wait"

The van made me wonder about jobs you'd never think of.... Wonder if there's a market for jobs I'd like to do, so - here are my proposed businesses:

• Fly-Your-Kite
• Watch-me-eat-Belgian-Chocolate
• Massage-Practice-Subject
• Ride-Your-Bike-While-You-Work (I mean, there's dog walkers, why not bike riders? Bikes have rights too!)
• See-The-World-For-You-And-Bring-Pictures

I Hate Homework :-)

On a lighter note :-) Oh the chores! Oh the mindless routine! :-)

The kids make me laugh so much.

Remember

This Sunday is All Saints day. We will remember and light candles for all those we lost in the past year. A little candle for each named person. A large candle for all those we name in silence.

I will remember my grandmother. My cousin. Tierney's father. And grieve for all that is lost. I will look at the sunshine through the stain-glass windows and see the colours, unchanged and bright. And I will hold the pain dearly. The only pain is to feel nothing at all.

This is one of the songs we will be singing, a poem called "Remember" by Christina Rossetti (1830-1894) with music by Stephen Chatman:

Remember me when I am gone away,

Gone far away into the silent land;

When you can no more hold me by the hand,

Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day

You tell me of our future that you plann'd:

Only remember me; you understand

It will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while

And afterwards remember, do not grieve:

For if the darkness and corruption leave

A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,

Better by far you should forget and smile

Than that you should remember and be sad.

commissioned by the Vancouver Chamber Choir. Makes me cry, that one.

The Sunday after we're singing one we did two years ago by Michael Horvit:

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining
I believe in love even when feeling it not
I believe in God even when God is silent

commissioned by congregation Emanu-El, Houston, on the occasion of the 50th anniversary of Kristallnacht.

Faith and Hope. For me, Faith does not necessarily mean faith that God exists, because - what does that mean? For me, Faith means believing in goodness. Believing in love. Believing that no hurt is intended even when felt. Believing in mistakes rather than malice. Believing that by giving and forgiving, our heart grows. That damage done by holding on to hurt or pain is much larger than any risk you take by opening your heart and trusting.

Rambling thoughts

Sandra's criteria for choosing a guy:
1. moderately sane
2. picks up his own socks

She figures these are the 'must-have' criteria. I am so glad she doesn't have the same criteria for the girl.... I would so fail :-) Well, I do pick up my socks. Most of the time. :-)

Today was caring ministry day.... We read the Prayer of St Francis, which I find touching:

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O, Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

I have difficulty with the personified deity theology - but still, lovely poem. We sang a version of it last year but I can't remember the composer and google seems to be obsessed with Sarah McLachlan...

Sense of Self

Instead of counselling, I go to a church in Hampstead for a couple of hours every other day. It's cool and quiet and has its own car park. No one troubles me much. They seem to feel it's bad form to question why anyone would want to sit there. Perhaps they think I'm talking to God...

"Sometimes I think Jess is the most perceptive person I've ever met. She always knows when not to be curious."
"But she's still a virtual stranger to you, Connie... and yo're not worried what strangers think. Few of us are. Self-image is about how the people we know and love perceive us, not the passing acquaintance who we're never going to meet again."
-- "The Devil's Feather", Minette Walters

I've always enjoyed Minette Walters, but her latest that I'm reading now is amazing.

Do we create our own myths... building and rebuilding images as the need arises? Reality rudely interupts the reverie. Sandra - you laughed when I compared the writers of sermons, horoscopes, fortune cookies :-) The difference between the profound and the lame not solely in the delivery? I'll take my fortune suger cookied any time. Who wants reality. Dream on.


How wonderful that a dog is always ready to receive our love. We have such need to give love.

When the night is someone else's
And you're tryin' to get some sleep
When your thoughts are too expensive
To ever wanna keep
When there's all kinds of chaos
And everyone is walking lame
You don't even blink now, do you
Don't even look away

I can't wait any longer
I can't wait till I'm stronger
Can't wait any longer
To see what you see
When I look at the world
-- U2, When I look at the World

I wonder if we'll ever understand the reasons behind our own actions, let alone someone else's. Why do we so desperately want things explained?

Three Strikes

Seems our politicians think life is a game - a baseball game more specifically. Stephen Harper proposes to introduce a "Three Strikes You're Out" law.

We all make mistakes. I know I made and make many. Shouldn't forgiveness be unlimited? Should we not accept our friends for who they are, and extend our hand?

Are we going to say, "sorry, you pissed me off three times, that's it?".
I don't think so.

Thank you my friends. For being there. For feeding me beer when I'm thirsty. For walking with me when I can't see the path.

My friend, are you asked to be a hero? Are you asked to bear a cross that's too heavy? Should you wait till you break to say it is too heavy? Where will your light be when you've broken?

"I can’t do this, Sam."
"I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something."
"What are we holding on to Sam?"
"That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for." [Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers]

Motel: "Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness!" -- Fiddler on the Roof

Think about the lonely people
Then think about the day she found you
Or lie to yourself
And see it all dissolve around you

She says she has no time
For you now
She says she has no time
For you now
She says she has no time

Lonely people tumble downwards
My heart opens up to you
-- Keane, "She Has No Time"

Now, of course, if any of you turn out to be an axe murderer, that's it. First strike. :-)

Games People Play

I bought a new game for the kids on the weekend; it is called Blokus. Played it with them several times over the weekend, what a great game!

As in many strategy games, you need to anticipate and subvert your opponents thinking and goals. Winning by second guessing.

Life is not a game.

Musings on this Theme

Jesus says, turn the other cheek. Randy says, Jesus did not intend for us to be doormats.

Don't balance Hurt with Hate

The Amish community is trying to come to terms with the slaying of the little girls.

"The hurt is very great," Huntington said. "But they don't balance the hurt with hate."

Unbelievably, the Westboro Baptist Church seems to say that a fate like that shows God's displeasure and those who receive God's displeasure deserve it.

In an interview with the CBC, former sex trade worker Eva Scott comments on the news that the disciplinary hearings against an RCMP officer have been thrown out of court for procedural issues. The constable was accused of buying sex from teenage prostitutes in Prince George between 1993 and 2001.

Eva says:

"There's nothing I can do to those police officers who rip my clothes off in crack shacks because I'm just a $20 ho. Most of us don't say anything about it because in some sick way we think we deserve it or it comes with the territory."

How do we respond to hurt shows a lot about us, I think. Do we feel we deserve it? Brought it upon ourselves? Do we hate and lash out at those who hurt us? You hurt me therefore I will hurt you back?

I admire the Amish response... Don't balance hurt with hate. Hate destroys us more than any Hurt ever could.

People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?
-- Black Eyed Peas

You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
-- Alanis Moissette, You Owe Me Nothing