It's life, Jim, but not as we know it

So I didn't win the $30M. And I didn't win the $40M. I'd better be lucky in love :-)

Just came back from a coffee run on the SUB. The bell tower was playing music again, and I sat down to listen, warming my hands on the latte. I miss the warmth of summer; the cold of the concrete bench creeps into my bones and won't leave... Today is a beautiful crisp autumn day. Standing on a mountain top, not a soul in sight and I can see for miles. The kaleidoscope leaves lie undisturbed on the ground. Must be those mushrooms, Yves! :-)
And for those of you who I told that I like X&Y except for "Kingdom Come"... I may be changing my mind. It's growing on me. Stuck in reverse. Woman's prerogative. :-)

On the ground next to the concrete retaining wall of Klinck lay a "World Poker Tour" 2 of Hearts. I picked it up, and it is now hanging on the overhead cabinet at my desk, held there by the UBC-IT fridge magnet I received yesterday at the UBC-O success celebration.
I bet you it will bring me luck.
I'm planning to buy another lottery ticket. If you never try, you'll never know :-) Next 649 jackpot: a paltry $4M...


What does Rizzen say again? Careful what you wish for. You might get it.

Professor Good: "My Windows 98 computer tells lies and often forces me to shut down improperly. Such behaviour in a human would be called neurotic."

Listening to Jean-Michel Jarre - Concerts in China
More pictures...

la fin justifie les moyens

Or does it? Very interesting discussion with Carl/Garth (Johnson, instructeur inspirationel Greek 100) while walking back from the lecture. How do we choose our heroes? Do we even need heroes?

Is Caesar Augustus a hero? Carl/Garth says he murdered countless people to establish his law and order. Did the law and order save many more? Can we justify the death of one to save the lives of ten? Every life is unique. We're all someone's daughter or son. I would kill ten to save my son or daughter. Our capacity to care seems to operate much better for those we know and love than for the unnamed multitudes. Which of course is why we're able to make war and not love.

Nicholas Hornby, in "How to be Good", raises the question about being good on the small or big scale. Do you give all your money away to the nameless poor, or look after your own family first?

Carl/Garth said something I full-heartedly agree with. "Don't judge anyone, as you don't know their story".

[to be continued]

Listening to Katie Melua - Crawling Up A Hill (Call of the Search), and Moby - 18

Hallowe'en

What a magical time to suspend disbelief and embrace the ghosts of the past. By acknowledging the ghosts we take their power away and they dissolve into the mists of time.

Who am I

What defines an individual?
Reading David Lodge's "Thinks" which is very funny, sexy and insightful. One of the ideas about who we are is, of course, that we are the story we write...

If so, what does it mean when the story is disjointed? Who am I if my story disappears from time to time?
A relationship too, is a story. Retelling and sharing the stories. But what if they are not the same story?

Am I the story I tell? Or the story others tell about me? When I'm no longer there, the stories of others will be all that's left.

Bruce and Scott talked about their Gitsan first nations stories. How many of the stories are being lost as time passes. They still have recordings - but no-one to translate. What a loss of identity.

Shopping

I promised to spend Sunday afternoon with Saskia. I told her we would do whatever she wishes.

She wished to go shopping for clothes.

So, we spent a happy almost two hours in Old Navy with a break at Starbucks for a kids hot chocolate and oat-fudge-bar. And of course, my decaf-latte-skim-185C.
The symbols and semblance of normalcy.

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/late+night+shopping/

All grownups were once children--
although few of them remember it.
--Antoine De Saint-Exupery
The Little Prince

Map

Don't we all wish we had a map? To show us which turns to take? Paths and where they end up neatly laid out. When to speak, when not to. The things we don't say. The yearning to reach out and be there, the fear that stops us. My soul screams but my lips barely move. Try to act on faith and hope, not fear and hesitation. Trust that isolation is the worst sentence.

We try to read minds, take guidance from little signs. Check the barometer and dress for the weather; winter coat today. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose -- Rush. Wish summer would never leave.

Listening to Coldplay, Rush of Blood to the Head.

Thank God for Loved Ones

Thanksgiving Monday 2005

As has become tradition by now, we had our Thanksgiving lunch on Monday.

I am so lucky to know such great people with warm hearts and a spark in their soul.
However, I should by now know better than to rely on the butcher's assessment as to how much turkey will be required :-)

If anyone is willing to sacrifice their bikini-bodies please sign up.

Check out Ahms' blog: http://bluesuns.blogspot.com/

Sting

I must be going soft. Have been listening to Sting, Nothing Like the Sun, all morning. Sister Moon matches the falling leaves, haunting lyrics of dancing alone, even the Jimi Hendrix cover.
I wish these eyes could see that fire, and not look away. With a thousand smiles.

I had better start listening to Guns 'n Roses to cure myself :-)

Hedge

The man with the oversized blowdryer whirlwinds the leaves . On either side of the path is a tall laurel hedge, obscuring the view. I wonder where the path might lead; Sleeping Beauty's castle or a house like all the others along this road? I really want to know. But we can't, can we... Would there even be a path if there was no hedge? Would there be a path if there were no leaves?

Deep-fried Icecream

Specially for Yves: here's the secret to deep-fried icecream. Make balls out of vanilla icecream. Roll them in cornflakes, sugar and cinnamon.

Return the covered icecream balls to the freezer for some 30 mins. Then, fry them quickly in the deepfryer (corn oil) so that the inside is still icecream but the outside is crispy.

Friday

What is it with Fridays? Friday has a different quality than the rest of the week. As if, having jumped into an icy mountain stream, can hardly breathe. The body's outright refusal to fight gravity, struggle seemingly futile and sinking so much more natural than the effort to stay afloat. Stuck in the moment.

A coffee and cookie costs $4.06. That is four dollars, five cents and a penny. A simple penny.

It was a penny, as the joke goes, that was held by two Belgians (who are as stubborn as the Dutch). Neither of them willing to give up their right of ownership, they proceed to invent copper wire. Copper wire that connects and conducts, flowing from one to the other. Electric synchronicity.

Mana for the Soul

The glass of ice cold milk builds my teeth to bite off another day. Our soul [is] dried away: [there is] nothing at all, beside this manna, [before] our eyes.
My favourite breakfast cereal, Cinnamon Frosted Flakes, disappears in the empty void where hunger pretends to live.

It seems my being can be summed up in four letters: "ENFP"... :-)

I know you disagree, Sandra, but I still would like to put the decision to the vote. :-) When at a stalemate, why not toss a coin? I have always been one to take chances, make mistakes and get messy :-)

Amazing how music is balm for the soul - even silly boppy music :-)
Especially since I keep forgetting to bring the Handel Messiah score and have to sing completely from memory, and especially during the fugues in Mozart's Requiem where ideas separate and come together - the music takes hold of me and there is nothing besides the moment, the logic and the harmony. Head and heart together for a short while.

Games we Play

So now I know why I like WoW so much... It is my lack of dexterity. We just got two new X-Box games, ostensibly for our son, Fable and Prince of Persia - Sands of Time.

After wobbling about the village as the young boy Fable character with twenty pints under his breeches, and after failing for the 15th time to run to the Demon door and back in under 50 seconds , and after having been told off several times for using Magic in a melee duel (right trigger vs. left trigger) - I am starting to wonder whether I have it in me :-)
These X-Box controls have too many buttons! And they are not ergonomically designed for people with hands the size of mine!

(Hold on - then why does it seem that my son has no problem? :-) )

This said, Lilyanna tells me that Fable has a lot of mature stuff in it. So I did some research.

Review 1, Review 2 and review 3.

What do we try to protect our kids from? I think behaviour that shows lack of love and respect is far more damaging that any display of intimacy could be. True, children are not ready to know certain things, and I'm definitely not arguing the Lolita point of view. But fear, repression and making something beautiful into something scary and ugly... isn't that setting them up for failure?

Your comments always welcome.

New Year's Day

Happy Rosh Hashannah...

At the start of this calendar year I told a friend about my New Year's resolutions...
to love better; be a better friend; and to listen better. He said that as far as he could see, I was already there. I did/do not believe him.

Don says we are exactly who God wants us to be. To pretend otherwise is from sitra achra, the other side.

We are the choices we make.

[Asher Lev's father] "An animal can't help it, " my father said. "Do you understand me, Asher? The Ribbono Shel Olom gave every man a will. Every man is responsible for what he does, because he has a will and with that will he directs his life. There is no such thing as a man who can't help it."

[Asher Lev to HaShem] "If You don't want me to use the gift, why did You give it to me?"
-- Chaim Potok, Asher Lev

Be the best you can be. O my, this is starting to sound like a jingle.

Kelrond: Who's says everything you have is a gift? Why couldn't some of it be a curse?

Mosquito and Thunder

Carl Johnson, my inspirational Greek-100 teacher, told this story:

Thunder asked Mosquito why he was so fat and happy. Mosquito, bloated with blood, thought to himself "if I tell Thunder that I draw this delicious and filling blood from people, he'll strike people and remove my source of sustenance". Mosquite therefore replied "I get this fat and happy from sucking the sap of the trees". And from that point on, Thunder struck the tops of trees.
Ralph Maud (“A Guide to B.C. Indian Myth and Legend [Talonbooks: 1982] --- my Nation is the Nhla7kapmx [the “7” represents a glottal stop] pages 64-69

Carl pointed out that this myth is often interpreted as a proto-scientific story - and explanation of why things are the way they are. However, he says, that does not do justice to the full richness of the story. When we are bitten to distraction by Mosquitos... the storyteller reminds us that if it wasn't for Mosquito, we'd have to deal being the target for Thunder.

Dream Time

Time slows down as soon as you're out of the city. The air actually has oxygen and sounds actually reach my brain. I watch the soppy mushrooms grow, the soily smell of leaves.


Camping with the cubs at Alice Lake, Oct 1/2 2005.