"Never thought that trust was such a fragile thing" -- Devil's Feather.

and all the King's horses and all the King's men, couldn't put humpty together again.

"Not all those who wander are lost" -- Tolkien

So much snow, covering the contours of the world. Placing one foot in front of the other not knowing where it will land. Run and slide like a child not knowing how steep the hill is.

Mad World

Alienation Central - the saddest song with a violent computer game....

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
== Tears for Fears, Mad World

This sticks in my head like nothing else. Not even "Swinging on a Star" can beat it, and no, I don't want o be a fish. Or a pig. (I knew it! Song writer Van Heusen, has to be Dutch :-) )

Mad World indeed. Spent all day crunching numbers, now time for explosions with Mr Bond. James Bond. In with the new, out with the old.

And.... 190cm base on Cypress!!!!!! *goes off to find all the bits and pieces of skiing gear* :-)

I Love Cookie

Bomb Long
and how did jeanne not kill you?
Jet (Anat)
Jeanne didn't kill me because i didn't tell her :-)
I may be an idiot but I have no death wish :-)
Bomb Long
lol
see, no good can come of this.
Jet (Anat)
how so?
Bomb Long
hiding things from friends is bad
Jet (Anat)
I wasn't actively hiding
Bomb Long
uh-huh
Jet (Anat)
hmm
maybe a bit :-)
Bomb Long
ya
maybe
Jet (Anat)
if I tell her she'll lock me up
Bomb Long
I doubt it, she'll probably tell you the same things I just did, and then hit you with a phone book
Jet (Anat)
rofl
tough love, eh?
Bomb Long
you betcha
Jet (Anat)
lol
shit
Bomb Long
ya
Jet (Anat)
what the hell was I thinking
Jet (Anat)
<-- idiot Bomb Long
nope
human
welcome to the race
Jet (Anat)
lol
I''m not human
I'm a night elf
Bomb Long
you're dutch
so yeah, I can see that
Jet (Anat)
lol
k, I'm off to pick up the kids and buy three boxes of oreos

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet, I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the cloud
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
You really broke my heart

And I tried to sing
But I couldn’t think of anything
And that was the hardest part
== The Hardest Part, ColdPlay

Oreos FTW

It seems that even Warcraft III has cheat codes, can you believe it? :-) "Allyourbasearebelongtous" guarantees an immediate win of that level. Caelan is all for the liberal application of this code, and proudly annouces each win as if he himself had a hand in it.

Would we wish for cheatcodes in life? For shortcuts? A friend said that he immersed himself in work after his divorce - to come back up for air after a year and find that time had softened the pain. Another friend tells me he partied his brains out for 3 months and then realized he had emptied himself and needed to regroup.

We all have our escape hatches. I know I have mine, and WoW is one of them. I sometimes wish we could skip this phase. I know my friends tell me it is a time of healing. But at times it feels more like the Spiderman DNA resequencing. Yes, he came out stronger, but...
he also spent a lot of time afterwards hanging upside down, and what does that tell you? :-)

There's a difference between a plaster to help the healing and a pill to pretend the wounds aren't there. A bandaid gets lost in the swimming pool, its absence barely noticed. I'll take the Band-Aid any time - provided, of course, it comes with a Barbie or Scoobie-Doo design. I do have my standards.

Woot! Level 50! :-)

From the cruel sun
You were shelter
You were my shelter and my shade
== U2, Wild Honey

New Moon

Last year's leaves litter the lane
Furtive footsteps falling in the night
Left-over drops tear the pane
Red Orange glow; the embers' last light

See the face of fear
Love's long lost lament
Rooting my feet
Spurring me on

iPod shuffle

Some days the iPod shuffle saves the day. Here is this morning's selection; awesome driving through the sheets of rain blanketing the streets. Hey! 32 cm of new snow on Cypress, and -2C at base!!!!!! Can't wait! :-)

1. She Sells Sanctuary, The Cult
2. Meeting in the Aisle, Radioheat
3. Stealing Society, System of a Down
4. Rock Star, Nickelback
5. Therapy, Finger Eleven
6. Locked Out, Crowded House
7. Good Times, Stone Roses
8. Idle Life, Catherine Wheel
9. Cup of Coffee, Garbage
10. The Rockafeller Skank, Fatboy Slim
11. To My Own Devices, Soul Asylum
12. Deep Kick, Red Hot Chilli Peppers
13. Everything Will Be Alright, The Killers
14. I Can't Be With You, the Cranberries
15. Crumbs From Your Table, U2
16. End Of The World, Great Big Sea
17. Bed's Too Big Without You, Police
18. One Man Army, Our Lady Peace
19. Shelter Me, Train
20. Drown Me Slowly, Audioslave

Kev says, look at any Flickr site, look at the pictures in sequence - and there's a story.
Look at the song titles. There's a story too. A different story for each person who reads it. We are our own narrative.

So - who reads this? Tell me your story.

Falling in Snow

It steals my glance
Behind a spiralling chorus of pairs
A single snow speck rehearses its stride.
Slow-step-step-slow
Spinning slowly, imperceptibly following
Sharply turning as I twist
- The snow forms a layer on lilac bushes
Still-slip-slide
The flake dances beside me
The wind whirls its song in my ear
- They collect into a palpable pile
Swivel-stagger
Slips through my cradle hold
Silently settling under the rose-coloured sun
- Into the embracing pool of snow I fall
Softness
== Renbo Huang

Go Forth

Went to this great lecture yesterday on "Post-colonial Islam and Ironic Citizenship" by Salman Sayyid, author of A Fundamental Fear and research fellow in sociology and anthropology at the University of Leeds. He put our understanding of community in the context of the narrative that surrounds us...

Our narrative, he says, is the continuity from Plato to Nato with a tiny blip in there for the muslim empire, whose only purpose was as 'mail carriers' to deliver the ancient Greek thinking back in the hands of Western Europe before the Renaissance.
Western culture, in this narrative, is contrasted with the colonial culture: lawlessness against violence, democracy against tyranny, progressive and modern against traditional. Our thinking is so based on the notion of nation-states, and our idea of citizenship is so based on integration within the narrative, that we struggle to include people outside the narrative (Jews, Muslims, Roma) in our definition of citizen.

The narrative defines our presentation and interpretation, especially in the media, which in turn reinforces the narrative.

An article in Macleans lights the old Darwinistic spark around fertility rates... We decadent Westerners with a declining fertility rate, the vibrant and fertile Muslims multiplying and being fruitful. Are we sure we are not, yet again, ascribing a fearfully high sex drive to the barbarians assuming Modernity will suffer defeat because of self restraint?
Maybe Edward Gibbon's narrative "Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire" and Darwin's narrative have become our truth?

And I wonder, since it is the narrative that defines who we relate to in terms of community, how we can rewrite a myth that is so institutionalized...
Not just on the topic of muslims. But on the topic of so many items. Progress. Women. Religion. Our non-human fellow occupants of this planet. And yes. The lowly cockroach.

Talking about cockroaches... interesting discussion on CBC last week about the use of animals to describe a female -- womanwords. The signifier, having been assigned negative qualities, being used to confine and colour our perception of female behaviour. Vixen. Cow. Bird. Bitch. Dog. Chick. Shrew. Cat.

So. In my next life as in this. I want to be sexy, smart, sleek, cuddly, smooth and wild. I wonder what animal that is.

Better?

It is better to quest and die, than never to have quested at all
== Blizzard after Tennyson

But to die over and over again? Flaunt the laws of physics and hope that this time, the brick wall is built out of soft, fluffy, sweet and sticky marshmallows?

Those Bloodpetal Lashers... I found I couldn't solo them. Watched my health bar go down and down until there's nothing left. Running on empty, fleeing them, only to be crushed by the very next mob I run into. Armour reduced to red glowing embers, even a soft touch pierces.

And of course, then there's the elite T-rex.... Guess it doesn't really matter how fast you run if one hit kills, does it :-)

Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
What more in the name of Love
Pride (in the Name of Love)
== U2

Burn in the Rain

Made a meal and threw it up on Sunday I've
Gotta lot of things to learn
Said I would and I'll be leaving one day
Before my heart starts to burn

So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new...don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away
Times are hard when things have got no meaning
I've found a key upon the floor
Maybe you and I will not believe in the things we find
Behind the door

So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new...don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away
== Oasis, Stand By Me