Vortex

OK, I caved. I bought an umbrella. I blame not having a book which necessitated a visit to the bookstore, where umbrellas are strategically placed to entice wet walk-ins.

I believe umbrella manufacturers conspire to endow umbrellas with a timed hearthing device which removes the umbrella from the owner's possession to a random lost-and-found. There also seems to be an inverse relationship between the price of the umbrella and the number of hours the timer is set to.

My new umbrella was $24.95 plus tax. I give it a week.